and so , cos i tot tat i might rot or get addicted to com again ,
i have decided that maybe i shld work after all .
i m going to interview 2mrw night .
Zoeyyy , please dun blow this up ...

writtern at;
9:39 PM;

i went to band again today -.-
noticed we had a new tutor .
he smokes and eat sweets and drink sweet drinks and blow all3 of our instruments .
then vonneh complain him , then he lyk very buay song -.-
end of band .
i collected my ic !
omg ! it's so damn ugly -.-

agter band , me , vonneh and peishan went to eat sakae .
we order alot and alot more .
then at last , due to too much vinegar in the sushi .
i felt lyk vomiting and eventually , i gave up .
then we da pao the unfinished food home .
i until now still feel lyk vomiting -.-

writtern at;
6:34 PM;

wahsehh , this few days ,
got the feeling of changing my blog the url lehhs ~
and turning it to a private one ...
maybe i shld ...

on friday , i finally went to band ... -.-
i was like , keep counting the number of hours before band ends .
then i had to bring instrument home .
damn heavy , i about 2 years nvr bring home instrument le lorhhs .
hand damn pain ... x.x
then at night , went to eat sakae wif vonneh .
damn funny lorhhs .

then i yesterday went to eat steamboat buffet wif my family .
then i went to pioneer mall wif daddy .
daddy was lyk , u go out how come can spend so much money .
LOL

my boredness , my jealousy , my pain , my sufferings ...

my selfish thoughts for myself ...

my selfless thoughts for other people ...

my heart and my outer mask ...

confused and panicking ...

scared and trembling ...

but what can i do ?

i can even envy cockroaches ,

they have things that i want for my whole life and now have very little left ...

the song of the heart ,the truth of the darkness ...

the things i seek ...

can be attain by ppl with or without courage ...

but yet , i haven yet attain them and it doesnt seem lyk i would .

the care , the concern , the attention of the people around me .

i cant even get such a small thing .

even if i hav , it's in very small portions .

am i selfish ? or m i ignorant ?

maybe it would be better if i cry everything out then die ...

the whole world would be happier .

writtern at;
10:01 PM;

while , not trying to be lame , but it is really foggy outside in the night .
maybe it's due to the cold air ?

i hav completed hot shot . finally .
i love my computer when it's not laggy .
and guess what ?!
my brother's computer is coming home !
AND I DUN HAVE TO SHARE WITH HIM MY COMPUTER ANYMORE !
WAHAHAHAHAHA ~ :D

i m rotting at home and i think i will die in band .
so , zoey , take ur pick .
die in band or rot at home ?
both are equally bad ...
somebody just ask me out for the holidays please ~
preferbally if it's to a buffet ~ ^__^

writtern at;
10:42 PM;

i nowadays is it watching too much drama or wat ?
my com lyk start to slow down le lehhs ... -.-
i haven finish watching hot shot just now because my computer was slow and i got fedup .

another problem , my throat from last week until now haven recover .
zoey , go bang the wall .
and i tell u the medicine that the doctor gave me is so damn ...
horrible .
sweet not sweet , bitter not bitter .
cant tell whether i m in shape to gp to band or not 2mrw .
i m so going to be killed by yvoone when i m in shape to return to band .
then from there from in shape , back into no shape ... -.-

writtern at;
9:35 PM;

writtern at;
9:25 PM;

writtern at;
12:41 AM;

wahsehh , got sore-throat until damn jialat .
den my bro and mum still call me to do things for them .
i going to die le la . x.x

tell u smthg damn dumb ...
just now horhh , i playing audi wif micc .
then when i go take xinyi's ring and wear hor ,
i immediately wear only my com dc ...
must be my com dun lyk xinyi ... xD

writtern at;
12:11 AM;

ok , so i just came back from cutting my hair ._.
for this time , i though i'd be a little more daring and try smthg new .
so i cut concave . o.o
but i tell the aunty i still wanna tie my hair .
other than it's a little short ,
it seems lyk nthg's changed at all . -.-
but nvm ...
even if there's any changes , my hair will grow ..
and i maybe i might find a suitable hairstyle someday ...
^^

writtern at;
12:52 PM;

writtern at;
8:31 AM;

And so , i noticed i nvr blogged for a very very long time ... -.-
while , quite alot of things happened ...
fun , happy , sad , angry , scared , disappointment and many more ...

lets talk about batam first ...
actually oso not much la ...
only go there for one day tour and one day free-n-easy . o.o
AND ! AND !! AND !!!
i ate chilli crab for lunch and black pepper crab for dinner on the first day .
no wonder will sore throat the next day . -.-
and i really think hor , that the bus dont like me . why ? simple ,
i hit my head on the ceiling 6 times and had a big big scratch on my leg . =='
and we oso got go to one temple .
the pau there damn cute lorhhs !
got tortoise-shape and fish shape . :D
the hotel we went to is GRAND MAJESTY HOTEL .
very impressive right ?
but is really not up to my expectations la .
but its livable . ^^

next , the camp .
whole sec 3 shld be got about 300 ppl right ?
only 60+ turned up . -.-
the best thing is , 3e2 hav 39 ppl but only got 7 ppl go . =.=
jingqi , shermaine , yours truly , maimon , amalina , soonhui and hidayah .
how pathetic can this get ? o.-
then we joined up with half of 3e1 and became group 2 . ^^
name of group 2 : Sashimi ( My influence x.x ) .
instructor of GROUP 2 : Kenneth Joel Chandran .
members of GROUP 2 : the 7 ppl of 3e2 who went , szeling , evelyn ,
jueyi , weixian , zhiguang , griffin .
FIRST DAY.
went to pulau ubin . pitch tents , went for land expedition .
damn tiring ... -.- walk so much ! x.x
then we went to the highest point in pulau ubin .
the scenery there is so damn beautiful . so clear and so blue .
seriously , its a loss for anybody who din see la .
went back , me and kelly played with puppies . ( SO CUTE ! x.x )
at night , went for night walk .
i actually wanted solo-walk de .
then the instructor say i canot .
bcos i m girl and scared got smthg happened to me .
please la i m no 3 year old kid , i can take care of my self .
and so for some dumb reason , i was partnered with soonhui .
then i tot will like the anime like that ,
will got instructors or student leaders hide and come out scare us .
in the end , nthg . pretty boring larhhs .
after that , wash up , powder bath , slept .
i shared tents with sl , kelly and sher-lala ~! ^^
then at around 4+ , the whole tent was like waking me up . tot what happened ,
there were strong wind which look lyk they wanna blow us away and lightning .
and finally , rain .
we were called by the campchief to sleep outside the chalet .
SECOND DAY.
area cleaning and we went to changi the there .
first , went on the dragon boat . fun la .
but at times , i will blur , lose pace and start to panic .
and sher-lala sitting behind me will keep calling me to calm down . x.x
then while we were resting , the instructor allowed us to
put out legs in the sea , played viking and go into the water .
then we were asked to get back up by ourselves .
i think i was the longest lorhhs . and the funniest . -.-
i couldnt get up by myself , so the instructor pulled my life-jacket up .
then , my life-jacket the buckel unbuckelled two times ! O.O!
then they dont dare support me from the life-jacket lerhhs .
they pulled my arms and legs . lols ! :D
then we switched to kayaking . partnered with sl .
very fun , very tiring and hand very pain ! x.x
bcos must use hand to pull the kayaks together .
then we played some games lyk catching and getting the instructors to do forfeit .
then after playing , we carried the kayak back to the centre .
ITS SO SO SO SO DAMN HEAVY ! x.x
then we went to bukit batok the chalet there .
AND FINALLY ! OUR FIRST NICE , COLD AND PROPER BATH ! x.x
slept nicely indoors . ^^
THIRD DAY.
first activity was team-building . quite fun larhhs .
then was flying fox , damn scared larhhs .
when i finally went down , i waste all my energy being scared
and tense up that i got hungry . x.x
then we went for outdoor cooking .
ate alot and alot until time must lunch time extend . x.x
then i sit down tat time , kena burn by the anti-mosquito incense . x.x
after lunch , abseiling .
u noe last year horhh , after the experience tat i "bom ! bom ! bom !" down hor .
i nvr wanted to do abseiling ever again .
when i went up tat time , i cried .
when i went down tat time , scared tat i would hit the wall again ,
i kicked the wall . x.x
the best thing is , bcos i was scared , i closed my eye for the whole time . x.x
took a very long time to recover from tat shock .
and it's no more guess tat i might nvr hav the courage to do abseiling ever again .
then got the challenge rope course , my left leg was like shaking non-stop la . x.x
last but not least , the rockwall .
damn kanasai lehhs , when going my turn , stomachache . x.x
went to toilet then come out to try again .
by tat time , i left almost no more strength le lorhhs .
to until halfway then , "i surrender , i giv up " .
BUFFET ! CAMPFIRE !
for GROUP 2's item , we did a dance and 2 songs .
the dance was sway by pussycat dolls .
where the guys dance until damn gay . x.x
then the two songs are :
"wo xiang xin wo neng fei
i believe i can touch the sky
think about kenneth every night and day
sheik our butts and dance away
we made friends with the scary bear
za and fiza are the prettiest
instructors in the whole wide world
i believe i can fly
wo xiang xin wo neng fei
i believe i can fly ~ "
- tune of i believe , italics are names of our instructors ,
but not all la , due to time constrain ...
"we are the sashimi my friend
(mimi : by the way , sashimi is our group name )
we will keep on eating till the end
we are the sashimi
we are the sashimi
we dont eat maggi mee
but only SASHIMI ! ~ "
- tune of we are the champions , this is group song cum group cheer ...
after campfire then shower and sleep .
FOURTH AND LAST DAY.
pack up and brought bags down . slacked .
went to the high elements there do area cleaning ,
found tat there were no litters and went back to slack .
took photos , play playground and played catching . :D
then see them play daidi and played 21-dots .
then went back to sch . went to kfc to eat .
kena pangsehhed by sl and leon ...
then i went home alone ... so lonely ... lols ! xD
reached home . papa was lyk damn crazy when he saw me .
miss me too much le is it ?
mama oso ... x.x
only my brother ...
he come home only scold me .
think i gone for 4days 3nights he king of the house already .
he like he sister die already or he nvr had a sister at all . -.-
but still , if he wanna become the master of the house ,
he still hav to go through me and daddy . hmph !

i nvr said i was ok . nobody said i m ok .

who would be happy looking at their friend

with their backs facing them walking away one step by one step ?

but the world doesnt hav to noe wat i m thinking about .

i can face it myself . nobody has to noe .

if i were to say , they would think i m selfish ,

and it would increase my risk of losing the friends i hav .

i hav already lost all courage to make friends ,

so i cant lose those that i hav now ...

for every friend that i make , the fear of losing my friends increase greatly .

for every friend that i lose , the darkness within me increases by one great patch .

the darkness within me has grown so much i dont recognise who i m anymore .

maybe it would be better if i just disappear ...

writtern at;
6:54 PM;